TODAY

Today I am sitting on my bed. Too tired to work. Ashamed to have been too tired to do work before today. Ashamed to have done work on Sunday. Ashamed to be checking my friends’ social medias to see if they’ve posted anything. Ashamed to have over-indulged on lovely Filipino food that the family bequeathed me with. And yet, I know that in YOU, Jesus, I will find rest.

Why is life a lonely life with so many highs and lows? Sometimes, I just want to crawl in Mama’s arms. Sometimes I don’t.

Right now, my roommate is taking at least twenty pictures of herself trying to get the perfect selfie in some plush jacket.

“It’s for the pitch,” she says.

Part of me longs for Alabama, working on a film, soaking in the sun, being with friends. Parts of me dreads it. But I know that if I am not happy here, I will not be happy.

My family gets mad at me when I do not agree with them, or when I question their political views because I don’t want to believe something simply for the sake of believing it.

Why is it that such little things can create such big walls? Do none of us care about Jesus? Do we find what saves us politics? Why do we care so much about so little?

Scholarship applications are due soon. I am so, so tired.

The most open-minded people are the most close-minded.

No one is who you want them to be.

Except Jesus. Sometimes I think I want Jesus to be a really mean person so that I can complain about Him like I complain about everyone else.

But it’s okay. He doesn’t have to be.

He’s so kind, and gentle. He’s like a sheep to the slaughter. He loves. He was burnt out. But He prayed on Christ.

Anyway. All in all today was a good day.

A family took me to a mall and shared their culture. So, so kind. So thankful.